We’ve all heard the old argument… a child claims the “everybody is doing it” argument and the parent responds with “if everyone jumped off a bridge, would you?”
Today, our culture… driven by media and agenda driven “educators” is pushing for a different response. They are constantly saying that we as parents need to be more “affirming” or “supportive” of our kids. It’s absolutely true that affirming and supporting them gives them courage to move forward, knowing you’re there to back them up.
But the problem is… THEY ARE KIDS!!!!
Science has proven that the human brain is not done developing until typically around 25 years of age (with less than 2 years margin of error either direction). Case in point is the sheer number of child injuries and deaths because of kids attempting some stupid TikTok challenge. Their brains are not developed enough to a point to see the dangers in what they’re doing.
Car rental companies are about the only industry left that understands this… so they don’t see it as smart business to lend a $50k automobile to someone who’s brain is not fully developed.
Other industries have softened that age a little. Alcohol and guns (in most states) require age 21 and almost everything else from signing legal contracts to voting require you to be 18 and driving requires 16 in most states.
Just about everywhere we look in society, we recognize that kids from 0 to 16 are not fully ready to use their brain for serious decision making. Our job as parents is to continue to guide them through those 16-18 years… so they develop their brains in a healthy manner.
So, as a parent, we KNOW that our kids will not always make smart decisions. So… when they make dumb decisions… if we were to support and affirm their dumb decision, then we give them courage to move forward when moving forward is not the right thing to do, or worse… it’s a dangerous path to be on.
Back to the jumping off the bridge example. If moving forward is a poor decision, then “affirming” or “supporting” them is the exact opposite of love. Sometimes… (and often as a parent)… being “loving” means making an unpopular decision… one that protects them from their poor decisions from an undeveloped brain.
Any teens still reading this? Then congratulations, you’re ahead of the curve. Now… I’m not saying you are dumb or stupid by the decisions you make… full grown adults… very smart and wise and experienced adults… still make dumb and stupid decisions. You are not alone in this category. I’m merely pointing out that your brain is still developing and relying on someone who truly has your best interest at heart… who truly wants to see you grow into an amazing person who contributes to society… that person REALLY wants to help you grow well.
So to those media types and agenda driven “educators”…
Stop telling us to “affirm” and “support” our children regardless of their decisions. We are called to coach them, to teach them… when their decisions are pointing them in the right directly, we will ABSOLUTELY support and affirm them… But when they are making decisions that are simply not healthy, not safe, not smart, or in defiance of the moral character we’re raising them to have… then we will absolutely NOT affirm or support those decisions.
Signed…. every smart and loving parent ever…
HisFamily Ministries 